Sunday, December 6, 2015

the 100% perfect girl

once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. the boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. he was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. they were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. but they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. yes, they believed in a miracle. and that miracle actually happened.

one day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

"this is amazing," he said. "i've been looking for you all my life. you may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me."

"and you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as i'd pictured you in every detail. it's like a dream."

they sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. they were not lonely anymore. they had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. what a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. it's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

as they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny silver of doubt took root in their hearts: was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

and so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "let's test ourselves--just once. if we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. and when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. what do you think?"

"yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."

and so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.

the test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. they should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. but it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. the cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.

one winter, both of the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible influenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. when they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D.H. Lawrence's piggy bank.

they were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeing that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew now to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.

time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two and the girl thirty.

one beautiful april morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, both along the same narrow street in the harajuku neighbourhood of tokyo. they passed each other in the very centre of the  street. the faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. each felt a rumbling in the chest. and they knew:

she is the 100% perfect girl for me.
he is the 100% perfect boy for me.

but the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fourteen years earlier. without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crow. forever.


                        -- extracted from "the elephant vanishes" by haruki murakami

10 great things about our love

A. Darling, if we choose ten great things in our love, what will you choose?
B. Don't know what to choose.
A. Just pick them.
B. You go first
A. (1st) For me, the first great thing is probably when we first met. don't know why on that day i had an inspiration to climb up to the top floor to read a book. and if the wind blew in a different direction, you and i would have never met each other.
B. (2nd) For me the second one is when we made our first kiss. how can i describe it. i was pretty nervous. but finally it turned out okay. it was my longest and most calorie-consuming kiss ever.
A. (3rd) Well, the third one. i was so scared. when i gave you a watch as for my first gift to you. you turned my gift away and you also walked away. i was very disappointed. you said nothing, but gave me a stare. i felt you had high self-respect. but that made me adore you so much. then i think, i am sure i can live the rest of my life with you.
B. (4th) For me, the fourth is whrn you can hang around everywhere and have street food without worrying about collywobbles. at that moment, you look so lovely.
A. you are a liar.
B. its true.
A. (5th) do u still remember when we cleaned the house? we listened to music, washed bolwed in the sink, arranged things in the house,... rememer? and what else?
B. And in the toilet.
A. why remember that for so long?
B. it was fun. you helped me wash my hair. and...., ah, (6th) and the dance that you taught me?
A. well, it was rock n roll.
B. thats the hell of a dance. i was tired of shaking my hip all the time. or we make it the sixth great thing, huh?
A. (7th) do u know that we used to play acting? its so funny recalling that. u played the role of a sugarcane juice playboy. u acted just well enough.
B. "baby, you're so cute. where do you live? hang out with me alright? have some sugarcane juice, will you? my mom sells sugarcane juice at the corner of the street.drop by and join me and you can have 80 glasses in a row. youre so cute."
A. "youre disgusting." you acted so well. youre a natural-born scoundrel, aren't you?
B. definetly.
A. stay away from me. you look so rogue.
B. why did u cry knowing thatvwas just a joke when i pretended to be dead?
A. i dont know. when i saw u lying on the floor with medicine all scattered around, i felt so... i couldnt breathe. something was chokng my heart.
B. i apologise. next time i will act as a tiny dinosaurs and make u laugh, ok?
A. what?
B. tiny dinosaur.
A. youre crazy.
B. (8th) honey. sometimes we didn't get along well. it seemed were about to part for good. but we chose to say everything we had in mind. i compromised. and so did you. eventually, we were even. it was also meaningful to me. (9th) do u remember when i gave u a wedding ring? at that moment you made me feel like i was a bit hasty and superficial. did i really made you feel awkward?
A. i was not ready. i felt i didnt deserve your love.
B. i hate ur reason so much. just skip that part. consider u still owe me a nod. so for u, what is the tenth great thing?

A. (10th) do u know what is the tenth great thing in my mind? i think the greatest thing, also the luckiest to me, is that i did find the one i can love and he really loves me.

Favorite Sentences...

You can hide memory, but you can't erase the history that produced them.

It was sad to see what used to be so fundamental to our lives fade away and disappear in front of our own eyes.

Words don't come out when you're deeply hurt. That's why people keep silent and give no explanation. Yet, Murakami once wrote in his novel, 1Q84, "If you can't understand without an explanation, you can't understand with an explanation." Sometimes, people tend to not wanting to understand things instead of wanting to understand things. In short, they tend to ignore the possibility of trying to understand things.

do you know what makes life interesting?
--> it's interesting because we don't know what the future holds for us. don't blame the fate. we decide our fate, it's our choice. we can't choose where to be born, but we can certainly choose the way we live our life...

the life is yours, why bother asking other people to paint it for you?...

when we're small our word has never been counted; when we're big every word has always been counted...

i may not be able to wait thirteen months for you, nor until you are twenty-five, but i can wait for you a lifetime -- Under the Hawthorn Tree by Ai Mi

waiting, though one minute, it's still unbearable...

death doesn't mean that we are no longer existing. death just means a move to another world...

why can parents wholeheartedly sacrifice everything for the happiness of their children, even their life? but why can't their children, whom they give birth to, do the same thing to them? what power is it that encourages them to do so?....

the thing i'm most afraid of is ME. of not knowing what i'm going to do. of not knowing what i'm doing right now.

people always meet new friends. but they should not forget their old friends. because without your old friends we don't have a chance to meet new friends. the memories with our friends will be there forever in our brain. we can't omit it though time passes.

Almost Lover
















April 28th, 10:31am
Sina:    I want to be your friend!

April 28th, 2:43pm
Sina:    I was inspired by some of your comments and posts! It is so romantic and sweet!

April 28th, 8:48pm
Sothea:       thanks! i hope everyone have sweet and romantic life despite sex and race

April 29th, 2:39am
Sina:    Thanks for your confirm! My name is Sina, how can I call your name?

April 29th, 8:04pm
Sothea:       Call me Thea.
Sina:    Nice to know you! Thea
Sothea:       me too
Sina:    Doing?
Sothea:       music. u
Sina:    Just chat!
           English or Khmer music?
Sothea:       both
Sina:    Like Westlife?
Sothea:       so so.
           oh, u know how to play piano and guitar?
Sina:    Cannot say now, need times to study.
           U like?
Sothea:       wow, that's very nice of you.
           i like both. but can't play.
           i used to learn guitar for a week, but gave up
Sina:    I cannot say now, but I like it so much! If you want to play guitar, we can share our knowledge.
Sothea:       i don't have knowledge about guitar to share u. i was poor at it
Sina:    I want a piano, but I need to save some money
Sothea:       you should. wish you become the master of these two instruments
Sina:    We need to study, we born with nothing!
Sothea:       i know
Sina:    Just want to pleasure myself, and some lonely person
Sothea:       good for u
Sina:    Learning guitar is the most difficult
Sothea:       i know
Sina:    But nothing is easy, if we want a thing, we need to sacrifice.
           Where did you learn playing guitar?
Sothea:       Near Chroy Changva Bridge
Sina:    There is a school nearby Ang Tek Olympic
Sothea:       lol.
           u're learning there?
Sina:    Yeah.
           Do you want to try again?
Sothea:       tell me the name of the school and how much do you need to pay per hour?
Sina:    Music school! The fee is not expensive!
Sothea:       location/ direction to the school.
           when do they have new class?
           we may not know each other when i go there, haha
Sina:    I may start the class later than you! I am living in Bangkok, but I will come back soon! And I will go there
Sothea:       i see.
           what a u doing there?
Sina:    Did you see a term "graduation"?
Sothea:       lol. MA degree?
Sina:    Yeah! How old are you?
Sothea:       Chula?
Sina:    Sorry I cannot tell you!
           But chula is the best Univesity in Thailand
Sothea:       That's okay if u can't tell. i also graduated from Thailand too
Sina:    Really? MA?
Sothea:       Yep
Sina:    That is good! I thought you were younger than me!
Sothea:       nope
Sina:    What was your MA about?
Sothea:       i'm 27.
           can't tell, as you can't tell me
Sina:    Not old, it is still young!
Sothea:       thanks. u
Sina:    You may graduate before I start my MA in Thailand
Sothea:       when did u start
Sina:    Last year! What was your BA?
Sothea:       yep, before you started your MA.
           how old do u?
Sina:    I am just 24 years old!
Sothea:       so young
Sina:    Not really!
Sothea:       maybe your brain, but not your physical body
Sina:    Maybe not strong as an elder
Sothea:       haha.
           maybe and maybe not
Sina:    When did you graduate?
Sothea:       2011.
           what do u study?
Sina:    I study in Asian Studies Institute.
           You are a Cambodian senior from Chula
Sothea:       which university?
Sina:    Chula.
           What is your MA ?
Sothea:       sustainable development studies from chiang mai
Sina:    Not from chula?
Sothea:       no. not lucky like u. go to the best university in thailand
Sina:    Oh, i was so worry that you graduated from chula
Sothea:       why worry? i'm not going to bite u
Sina:    I knew most of seniors from chula
Sothea:       then what? if you know most of them
Sina:    Because this is a secret relation
Sothea:       between whom?

Coffee with love…

INTRODUCTION (March 1, 2013)

She hands the money to the cashier after receiving her coffee. Accidentally the cashier's hand touches the girl's hand which makes the girl blushes. the girl lows down her face and smiles shyly alone. Her heart races fast and she suddenly loses word to say. After composing herself, she raises her head and looks at the cashier. She sees a handsome and tall man standing in front of her. He has black hair with fair complexion. He looks like Chinese. "Is it a love at a first sight?!" she asks herself sheepishly. At that moment the girl vouches to herself that this man is her lover, a person she has a cross on.

After that day, the girl keeps coming to the same coffee shop every day ordering the same kind of coffee from him. The girl orders the same coffee every day, because she wants him to remember her favorite taste of coffee.

On the fifth day when she shows up, the man asks her if she would like to order coffee frappe? As soon as she hears that, she smiles again, 'cos she thinks that he knows what she likes to drink. This makes the girl fells for him deeper and deeper. She pays her bill and leaves the shop and walks toward her school with the smile on her face. She tells herself that it is going to be a good day for her.

Reaching to the iPod in her bag, she turns on her music and listens to "You took my heart away."

Originally, the coffee is bitter. But this time, the girl does not feel the bitterness of the coffee, but the sweetness. "Even the sun is hot, we won't sweat when we are calm inside," the girl thinks to herself.


Saturday, August 8, 2015

ដប់ឆ្នាំ

ពេលវេលាដើរទៅមុខដោយមិនរង់ចាំនរណាម្នាក់ឡើយ។ តែមួយពព្រិចភ្នែក ដប់ឆ្នាំអាចកន្លងផុតទៅបានយ៉ាងងាយ ទាំងយើងមិនដឹងខ្លួន។ អ្វីៗអាចក្លាយទៅជារឿងអតីតកាលដែលបានត្រឹមតែនឹកស្រម៉ៃ ឬស្តាយក្រោយ។

កាលពីដប់ឆ្នាំមុន អូនបានក្លាយជាសង្សាដំបូងរបស់បង។ បន្ទាប់ពីបានស្គាល់នួនល្អង បងរៀនចេះយល់ដឹងថា អ្វីទៅជាការស្រឡាញ់ អ្វីទៅជាការស្អប់ អ្វីទៅជាការឈឺចាប់ អ្វីទៅជាភាពអាត្មានិយម អ្វីទៅជាការលះបង់ អ្វីទៅជាការទួញសោក អ្វីទៅជាការកុហក ព្រមទាំងការយល់ដឹងជាច្រើនទៀតដែលបងពិបាកនឹងរៀបរាប់អស់។ មិនតែប៉ុណ្ណោះ អ្វីៗដែលបងបានរៀបរាប់ខាងលើគឺជាបទពិសោធលើកដំបូងរបស់បង និងជារបត់ជីវិតដំបូងរបស់បង។ បងបានវិវត្តចេញពីក្មេងម្នាក់ដែលមិនចេះខ្វាយខ្វល់ពីអ្នកដទៃទៅជា បុរសម្នាក់ដែលរៀនស្គាល់អារម្មណ៍អ្នកដទៃ និងអារម្មណ៍ខ្លួនឯង ។

បងទទួលស្គាល់នូវពាក្យមួយឃ្លាដែលបានលើកឡើងថា៖ "ស្នេហាគ្រាដំបូងជាសេ្នហាដែលដក់ជាប់ក្នុងចិត្តមនុស្សគ្រប់រូបជាងសេហ្នាបន្ទាប់។" បងអាចភ្លេចសង្សាបន្តបន្ទាប់របស់បង។ ប៉ុន្តែ បងមិនអាចលុបរូបអូនចេញពីការចងចាំរបស់បងបាន បើទោះបីជាបងខំប្រឹងប្រែងយ៉ាងណាក៏ដោយ បងនៅតែមិនអាចសម្រេចបាន។ រូបអូននៅតែផុសឡើងក្នុងខួរក្បាលរបស់បង។ ភត្រារបស់អូន ភ្នែករបស់អូន សំណើចរបស់អូន ទឹកភ្នែករបស់អូន បបូរមាត់របស់អូន ដៃរបស់អូន សក់ស្លូតខ្មៅរបស់អូន ចិញ្ចើមរបស់អូន ច្រមុះរបស់អូន ដំណើររបស់អូន នៅតែវិលវល់ក្នុងសតិអារម្មណ៍របស់បង។ ការចងចាំទាំងអស់នោះហាក់ដូចជានៅថ្មីៗ ប្រៀបនឹងព្រឹត្តិការណ៍ដែលទើបតែកើតឡើងថ្មីៗ។ បងមិនធ្លាប់ជួបការលំបាកនោះទេក្នុងការរំលឹកអនុស្សាវរីយ៍រវាងអូននិងបង។ មិនដល់មួយនាទីផង បងអាចរៀបរាប់ស្សាវរីយ៍ដែលយើងធ្លាប់សាងរួមគ្នាបានយ៉ាងងាយ ដូចជា ទីកន្លែងដែលយើងធ្លាប់កំសាន្ត វិថីដែលយើងធ្លាប់ធ្វើដំណើរឆ្លងកាត់ សន្យាដែលយើងធ្លាប់សច្ចា ខ្សែភាពយន្តដែលយើងធ្លាប់មើល ជាដើម។ បទចម្រៀងដែលអូនចូលចិត្តនៅតែស្ថិតនៅក្នុងជម្រើសបទចម្រៀងពិសេសៗក្នុងទូរសព្ទដៃរបស់បង។ ទោះបីជាបងព្យាយាមលុបចេញពីទូរសព្ទរបស់បងជាច្រើនលើកច្រើនសារ មិនយូរប៉ុន្មាន បងនឹងស្វែងរកបទចម្រៀងនោះមកវិញមិនខាន។ ការស្រណោះចំពោះអូននៅតែមាននៅក្នុងដួងចិត្តបង។

បើទោះបីជា ដប់ឆ្នាំកន្លង នួនល្អងនិងបងបានក្លាយជាជនដទៃ ដែលស្ទើរតែមិនធ្លាប់ប្រាស្រ័យទាក់ទងគ្នា ឬក៏អាចស្រឡាញ់គ្នាឡើងវិញបាន បងនៅតែមានបំណងប្រាថ្នាចង់ក្លាយជាមិត្តម្នាក់របស់អូន។ បងមិនដឹងថា អូនចង់ក្លាយជាមិត្តភកិ្តរបស់បងដែរឬទេ? បងមិនដឹងថា អូននៅតែស្អប់បងឬយ៉ាងណា? អូនអាចស្អប់បង និងឈប់ស្រឡាញ់បង។ តែអូនមិនអាចឃាត់ចិត្តបងឲ្យឈប់ស្រឡាញ់អូន និងនឹកអូនបាននោះទេ។ មិនតែប៉ុណ្ណោះ បងមិនដែលព្យាយាមបំភ្លេចរូបអូននោះទេ ដោយសារតែបងមិនអាចកុហកខ្លួនឯងថា យើងទាំងពីរមិនធ្លាប់មានប្រវត្តិជាមួយគ្នា។ បងមិនអាចបំភ្លៃការពិតថា យើងទាំងពីរមិនធ្លាប់ជាគូសង្សានឹងគ្នា។ បងមិនអាចច្រាលចោលនូវការពិតថា យើងទាំងពីរមិនធ្លាប់ស្រឡាញ់គ្នា។ អ្វីដែលមិនអាចប្រកែកបាន អូនបានក្លាយទៅជាផ្នែកមួយនៃជីវិតរបស់បង ជាអតីតកាលរបស់បង ជាបទពិេសាធន៍របស់បង ជាការស្រឡាញ់របស់បង។ ជាងនេះទៅទៀត ការបង្ហាញខ្លួនរបស់អូនក្នុងឆាកជីវិតបង បានរួមចំណែកក្នុងការកសាងអ្វីទៅដែលជារូបបងក្នុងពេលបច្ចុប្បន្ន។

តើមនុស្សពីរនាក់ដែលធ្លាប់ស្រឡាញ់គ្នាពិតជាមិនអាចក្លាយជាមិត្តភក្តិនឹងគ្នាបានទេឬ បន្ទាប់ពីនិស្ស័យជាគូសង្សាបានរលត់? បងអាចស្មានដឹងថា អូនអាចជួបការលំបាកក្នុងការតម្រង់ចិត្តរបស់អូនឲ្យទទួលស្គាល់បងជាមិត្តភក្តិ ដោយសារតែបងធ្លាប់ជាអតីតមិត្រប្រុសរបស់អូន។

តើក្នុងមួយឆាកជីវិតមនុស្សម្នាក់ៗមានដប់ឆ្នាំប៉ុន្មានដង?